It Sure Ain't Easy

So it’s been a week since I last blogged, and I’ve realized something…this ain’t gonna be easy. I work full time (like most bloggers probably do) and commute an hour each way, and, damn-it, when I get home I just want to grab some grub and park my butt on the couch in front of the idiot box. Also, for as much NPR as I listen to, news sites I read, and blogs I frequent…fresh ideas are often hard to come by. But I’m making a commitment, right here, right now…to myself…I’m doing this. I’m going to keep this up…it may not be every day (b/c let’s face it, hungover blogging just doesn’t sound like fun) but it’ll be frequent enough. There’s also a reason for it…and this is just a step in the right direction…I hope…

I have aspirations of eventually…though it seems far off in the distance right now…going to grad school. Problem is…I’ve forgotten how to write. Use it or lose it…well, I’m losing it. Sure, I can do the corporate jargon and techno-babble shit with the best of them. I can write emails and correspond with clients. But that’s such a watered down, boring version of the English language that it damn well might be making me dumber. There’s no subtlety there, no nuance. Hell, half the time I’m pretty sure what I’ve written has absolutely zero meaning (negative meaning…is that possible?? could something be so horrendous and boring that having been written down on paper it actually detracts from the human knowledge base? is humanity dumber for the things I’ve written? Professional Development Plans (PDPs) fit in this category, I believe). So if I plan on getting into grad school, I’ve got to relearn how to write something worthwhile…assuming I knew how to do that in the first place.

Which brings me to another thought…Jesus H Christ the thought of grad school is scary. That’s a commitment right there, how ‘bout it? One can go to college, get a degree in whatever seems fun at the time and still have a plethora of job options after graduation. There’s very little expectation of a college grad actually working in their degree field. If you go to grad school…it seems to be a different story. You’ve made a commitment to that field now, buddy. You don’t go and get a PhD in philosophy to come out managing a…never mind, maybe philosophy’s a bad example, but you get my drift. Trouble is, I’ve never been much for planning like that. I’m a go with the flow kinda guy…I’ve always made life decisions on the fly with full faith that things would work out ok. Faith in what? Hell if I know…God, luck, irony, karma. Grad school, though, takes some effort…some planning. Am I ready for that commitment? I’ve been the wedding guy this summer, watching all of my friends get married and sitting back going “Holy cow, no way! I’m not that guy! Not getting married yet! Living MY life right now! Nope, no way, no how, not now!” But really…how much less of a commitment is deciding on a path for grad school? Seems pretty similar when you think about it. And what about what kind of program to get into? Can’t get a job if you’re a continental…so they tell me…but I kinda like what they’re talking about, so how do I reconcile that? And speaking of jobs…am I really considering going back to school for 5 or so more years to come out making about what I’m making now??? Can someone please call me a psychiatrist, I’ve gotta be crazy.

But, what the hell…I’ve never been the kid to take the easy path. I’ll dive in head first…probably smack my head on the bottom of the pool cause I’m a big guy…but I’ll recover. It’s time to go for it…

Aaaaaah….I feel better…